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I Don’t Hate Adoption

I am not an adoptee that hates adoption. I had always loved my adoptive family and been grateful to be a part of that family. By all accounts, my adoptive parents did everything right. They were always honest with me about my adoption, where I came from, and what little they knew. My adoptive mom even went so far as to create a bridge for me between her and my biological mother so that I would have at least that connection to my history. 

That being said, the trauma that happens to a baby (or child) who is separated from his or her birth mother is very real. Even though I grew up in what I believed was an incredibly loving family, I still felt alone. Even though I didn’t think I was ever treated differently, I still felt like I was different and felt like I didn’t belong. That wasn’t my adoptive family’s fault, and perhaps if they had known about the very real trauma that happens to adoptees, they could have gotten me some help. But how could they do that if they didn’t even know that I was suffering? I didn’t want to tell them how I felt because I thought it would be considered ungrateful. 

Someone asked me recently what I think the solution is to adoption and foster care. That’s a loaded question. I think the “solution” lies somewhere between supporting the biological parents so that they can actually raise their child instead of the fear tactics that are often thrown at them at a very vulnerable time in their lives. If that’s not possible (or they’re not willing), then we need to better prepare prospective adoptive parents with the reality of what this child is going to experience losing the only family they’ve ever known. I’m working on a workshop for just such a thing.

This is of course just my opinion and I don’t try to nor do I pretend to speak for all adoptees.

Maybe it’s because I’m a mom now and I couldn’t imagine not supporting my twelve year old daughter if she found herself pregnant in four years. Maybe it’s because when I held my babies for the first time I immediately grieved for every newborn adoptee who reaches for their mother but finds the arms of a stranger. 

My feelings about the trauma of adoption have nothing to do with my adoptive family nor do they point to any sinister behind the scenes secrets. I loved my adoptive family and I’m heartbroken for the baby who lost her birth parents. Both are true statements and one does not diminish or invalidate the other. If we had lost our birth parents in a car crash then everyone would completely understand the feelings of adoptees. To a child, that separation is just as horrific but because their parents weren’t actually killed, they’re expected to feel grateful for being chosen. 

Adoptees are complex individuals who need to be afforded grace as they work through their feelings instead of shame and gaslighting. Them working this stuff out has nothing to do with anyone else but themselves. 

Please try to remember that before you attempt to silence them.

I’ve recently re-opened my adoptee only Facebook group so if you’re an adoptee and would like to join you can do that right here.

Meggan Larson

Meggan Larson

Award Winning & Amazon Best Selling Author, Course Creator, Adoptee, founder of Fly With Me Academy & co-founder of Starfish Stories Publishing Company.

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hi! I'm Meggan!

Welcome to my blog where I write freely about a range of different topics including but not limited to: adoption, mental health, faith, marriage, and now PTSD. I’m an author first and foremost so this blog will get updated as I have the bandwidth!

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More About Me!

I published my first book in 2020 and went on to publish several more books within a year. I write fiction and non fiction and love to help others write and publish books as well.

I was adopted as a baby, have gone through stage four metastatic cancer, and nearly lost my life during my last pregnancy due to placenta percreta. I believe that we go through difficult circumstances so that we can reach back into the fire with buckets of water to help others.

My life ambitions include expanding my non profit organization to provide financial relief to families going through an unexpected medical crisis, building safe haven homes for women and their children escaping domestic violence situations, and learning how to homestead in order to become more self sufficient.



I dropped out of high school in the 11th grade, switched to an alternate school and was valedictorian the following year.


I met my husband on a sort of blind date when I was 15 and have been in love with him ever since (married for nearly 15 years now!).


I’ve always homeschooled my three amazing kids because I genuinely love getting to hang out with them every day.